Yet to remember

we called we have same passion 

enthusiasm and excitement

we never missed a day 

without call each others

morning, to afternoon , to the night 

we are often sleep side each other 

even when i saw you inside the box

i felt your existences

you are  always there with me 

we are talking, laughing and crying over movie 

we are hugging , cuddling and kissing

i love the way you are did it

when you said thinking about me, 

when you are need me by your side

when you missed me 

when you loved me 

when its time we are in perfectly relationship

we are dealing with argue

we are dealing with conflict

different mind and opinion 

i still jealous of any girls

i don't want you having by anyone else but me 

all that perfect relationship begin to faded 

time is decreasing , you spent most of time without me 

you texted me less and replied me longer

you can spend time with your friends for hours but only 1 to 1,5 hours call me

i deal with your new schedule of your university 

but your love faded to me

i don't know and i don't understand 

begin less say love nor missed me 

something that used to we say that mostly everyday, 

love for each day, i thought lesser saying love 

will make the love it self special but its not 

saying love everyday is better showing and gratitude of love 

i start felt lonely, even when talking with you, your soul like is not with me

you are not felt excited, or enthusiast 

you start in moody, feeling tired 

i tried to give you my energy 

positive vibes as you always do for me before 

i tried but seems you don't need my energy 

more you felt down more you away from me 

how supposed i do for you? 

i know we are thousand miles away 

but can i do something to put smile in your face again? 

that smile that i adore 

and i love i have lost it 

it changes and you confirmed it everyone could be change

but what happened? it supposed to be something happened?

you start saying iam hurting you and accuse you with someone new 

and be mad saying iam talking bad about your friend relationship

but why you offended of her? and stand by her? 

and telling me you asked her to your best friend birthday when you know im jealousy

i sensed you think of her differently

you blame me being mad all the time 

but iam mad of time you change

mad of girl you close with

you losing me so easy when i gave up to hold you , you said want to break up in friendly way

you are crying in moment 

but after you seems okay without me 

while i felt knive stab me 

so hurt , sometimes there is stone in my heart 

i tried to deal , im looking for activities 

but in moment im alone thats still there 

this feeling for love and missing you

why you change ? its on my mind everytime

even when you bored , we can do something else to make it fun again

when you need time for your activities , you can say you need time but will reach me after because you missed me

when you with your friends, you can still check for look after me a while because you think of me

but when you lost love for me 

how it possible to make you love me again? 

but did i have value to be loved ? 

i have begged for your time 

but it shouldn't for your love 

obsession will hurt me once it just one side 

they say time will healed 

we might healed but not memories

all these lovely memories haunted me 

this might me fallen over again 

my dearest and sweet and soft and cheerful we are

this memories are cursed and fortune in same time 

i have blessed to have this memories before it turn to hate and just hurt 

feeling to be fullest loved 

and fullest cared by someone before it ends

love i have never imagined 

my sorrow only to meet you in person

there is rope tied and hope is align to be unity as we are together 

but now you weren't mine 

and iam not yours 

still that rope tied on you ? 

or you set it free?

why dont you contact me? 

still there is hope on me 

have you think its totally end?

or is it just temporary end ?

and waiting for new beginning

new chapter , new story and memories 

between you and me 

is there any comeback?

galaksiku

ini galaksiku, andromeda

jika kamu lebih melihat kedalamnya kamu akan temukan 9 planet besar di dalamnya mengelilingi 1 cahaya besar , cahaya itu matahari, dan 9 planet yang mengelilingi nya itu ada merkurius, venus, bumi, mars, saturnus, uranus, Neptunus,Jupiter, dan pluto, dan ya aku tinggal di planet yang bernama bumi, 

jika kamu lebih melihat kedalamnya lagi maka kamu akan temukan sekitar 7 Milyar  manusia yang tinggal disana dan ada milyaran flaura dan fauna juga disana, keren ga si planetku? planet yang paling berwarna menurut ku, kamu bisa menemukan banyak warna 

mungkin kamu bisa temukan satu warna favoritmu disini ? 

oke? apa kamu sudah terkesan? jika belum, lihat satu satu ya, ada banyak bunga dan pepohonan, harum dan ada yang manis,  kamu bisa coba kalo kamu suka hehe

hey apa kamu dengar itu? suara ya suara apa kamu mengerti salah satunya? mereka berbicara dengan banyak basaha! aku sendiri hanya mengerti 1, sedang belajar 2 , dan tau sedikit-sedikit 2 lainya, duh kalo kamu tau semuanya, ajari aku hehe

apa makanan favorit mu? duh aku tidak bisa sebutkan, terlalu banyak makanan enak di bumi, kalo kamu foodie ya 

oke kalau kamu liat lebih dekat lagi , 

iya lebih dekat lagi, 

jangan jauh jauh, lebih dekat lagi,

ada aku, hehe 

oke selamat pagi 

Pohon Jati

Aku kayu pohon jati, mereka menyebutku kaku karena batangku yang menjulang lurus, sebenarnya aku tidak sekaku itu, aku bisa bercanda, aku suka tersenyum, dahulu saat aku tersesat aku bertemu dengan pohon besar, aku kira dia akan menghancurkanku, tapi dia membantuku menemukan jalan ku, pohon itu berkata, "kembalilah pada dirimu" , aku masih belum mengerti sepenuhnya, tapi aku amat bersyukur dia melepaskanku dan memberiku kesempatan, dahulu aku berpikir alangkah matahari bunga yang bermain bersama terlihat bersinar karena mereka tertawa bahagia bersama, dan aku di pojokan memandang mereka dengan perasaan ku ingin seperti mereka bukan menginginkan hidup mereka sepenuhnya atau iri dengan hidup mereka, aku hanya mengiginkan pertemanan yang tulus, saling support, sedih dan bahagia bersama, sesimpel itu inginku, dan aku bertanya, apakah akan ada teman yang seperti itu untuku? ternyata hal itu membuatku terperosok jauh kedalam hutan, bahkan aku dalam amarahku berbisik bahwa aku akan menumbuhkan duri dan racun di bawah pohonku yang rindang, tidak aku pohon jati tidak memiliki duri, aku cukup rindang untuk berteduh tapi aku tidak memiliki buah yang bisa di petik, mungkin kayuku akan amat berguna nantinya, ya setelah aku tiada mereka bisa menggunakan batang kayu ku yang awet dan tidak mudah hancur dimakan rayap, setidaknya kata kata pohon itu selalu terngiang-ngiang di benaku, saat itu aku benar benar takut, sendiri, gelap di tengah hutan, aku pikir aku takan ada harapan, meski nyatanya banyak harapan yang membentang, hanya saja aku belum melihat kedalam diriku, ya setidaknya sekarang aku si pohon jati masih berusaha mencari jati dirinya, terdengar klise? ya karena memang yang terjadi, tidak hanya satu orang, banyak orang yang merasakanya juga sehingga terdengar klise bagi sebagian yang telah melewati nya atau bagi sebagian yang masih belum mengerti maknanya , 

Frozen Lake Eyes

eyes that deep and mystique

brought me to reality

all this time i caged in the shadow forest

almost get lost when we met

but there's hope 

you gave me new insights

when we both walking in the path

you trying to Reminds me

to close my eyes and relax 

when the shadows comes to pull me

what am i looking for?

you gave me things that i tried to find 

for so long

when we are together

the times just goes so fast

you trying to talking with me

when iam affraid to talked

your eyes isn't cold as it is looked

it is warmth when i saw it 

when you sad and you crying

it shocked me first

how can you express your sadness so freely

and let your emotions set free after

and comes to acceptance and forgiving

then when you try to understand 

those eyes its shines 

you always said you want to help me

what kind of help you offer 

i didn't understand

but now i can see that

ya i need help

i always think iam okay

our meeting its the universe coincidence

its beautiful ,im grateful with you

those frozen eyes like

remembering me of sunflower garden

its yellow, your favourite colour

and its tall and shining to the sun 

to the light like you,

can you always be like that 

until we out from the shadow forest

and find our way to be together 

Dialogue cintaku

hey cintaku,

apa kabar kamu hari ini Sayang?

aku senang jika kamu bahagia 

aku ingin kamu terus bahagia 

tapi jika kamu ingin marah 

kamu boleh marah

jika kamu ingin menangis

kamu boleh menangis,

sini menangis dipundaku 

agar kamu merasa lebih tenang

apa tidur mu nyenyak hari ini sayang?

aku ingin memelukmu dalam tidurmu 

aku tahu kamu suka dipeluk 

apa kamu sudah makan hari ini sayangku?

jangan telat makan ya Sayang,

aku tahu kamu suka makanan enak 

hari ini kamu terlihat mempesona

pesonamu membuatku jatuh cinta

berkali kali tiada henti mencintaimu

untuk selamanya kita bersama 

pegang tanganku erat cintaku

kita menjelajah dunia ini

aku tahu kamu suka mengunjungi tempat yang indah yang bercengkrama dengan alam ataupun perkotaan

bersama denganmu sayang duniaku begitu indah 

teruslah kita berjalan bersama sayang

meraih tujuan kita berdua di masa depan

kalo kamu khawatir 

tadahkan tangan kita mari berdoa bersama

cintaku aku beruntung memilikimu

kamu harta kharun ku Yang paling berharga

aku Sayang kamu cintaku selamanya

dari aku cintamu untukmu tersayang indah kharun nisa

14/03/2022

antara jakarta-bekasi

saksi cinta kita

Loves Regard,

Allah with me

Sleep Pills

In beginning you shower me of love
you tells me everyday how much you love me
you are really sweet my honey
you  heals my insecurity and forgot my past

everytime i saw your face
i got energy and heartbeat
everytime we laughing and staring each other
its caged me there like a prisioner
i keep missing you always and everyday


you are really great handle your words
you keep me silent when we argue
you are also really great for guide me to the unknown place
its the dark place but its like fairy tale
i followed you my love
looking for water in my empty sahara

i said your name often than my god
its wrong i know
thats why he punished me
when it comes confusing me
is it there your love ?
question often appears on my thoughts
then my feeling must be killed

today when i saw you lost
the fool me just silent
i want help you with everything of mine
is it god trying to show us?
we are meet on our depression destiny
we healing and added it in same time
we know we enjoy a lot
then we also need more but depress enough
over again
dont wait till we overdose of sleep pills
that awakin in our world

Bait-Bait Sahara

Sahara..
Dimana fatamorgana bersemayam
Dan musafir cinta berkelana
Badai pasir Sahara..
menjadi saksi sunyi pohon berduri
Yang tumbuh dalam tanah tandus
Embun di sahara
Bagai penyejuk dalam kemarau panjang
Sahara yang merindu
Merindu embun yang hadir dalam bait
Bait cinta sang kuasa
Melalui firmanya
Dilantunkan merdu
Saharapun dilanda tetesan embun
Yang menjadi butiran deras menyapu kemarau
Deras bak air hujan yang membasuh sahara
Bait-bait sahara
Lantunan ayat alquran
Untuk Saharaku yang tandus